Walking Backwards
by Girlygirl
Summary: Neither one can go back for there is too much time in the middle. One Shot DL


This fic is set after_ 3.03 Love Run Cold._ Truth be told I really don't know what this is exactly so I suppose it just is what it is. Notice this piece is much darker then anything I've written regarding D/L before. I've been sort of off the last couple days and this has been eating at me for just as long. If I had to guess I'd blame the angst that is this fic on the serious lack of D/L in recent weeks that apparently not even half naked Danny could fix. I'm hoping for some inspiration from episode _3.10_ _Sweet Sixteen_ because I do read the spoilers and I can almost feel a fic writing itself- keep your fingers crossed! Please review; feedback is helpful.

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"_I am a slow walker, but I never walk backwards"_  
- Abraham Lincoln

**Walking Backwards**

"We're still friends right?" Lindsay sighed- it seemed like he asked her this everyday.

"Yes Danny, still friends," She closed her locker and patted him on the shoulder as she leaves; he breaths a sigh of relief.

"Good, good, just making sure." And he just tips his head to her as she goes. Another day he thinks; check.

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It gets to the point where she answers, "yes Danny, still friends" to everything. People start to look at her wired, like when she had first started- like a piece of evidence under a microscope; she hates it. She's tired of reassuring him but she does it anyway; she feels guilty.

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Danny finds the prospect of losing her the scary thing that plays behind his eyes each night. He hates to admit how important she has become to him- hates that he lives more for her smiles then anything else. So when she stands him up and then turns him down he panics because, as stated before- losing her isn't an option. And so he spends his days hunting her down and asking her, making sure that they're okay because it's the only thing he can think to do to keep his heartbeat steady.

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The rain is soft but heavy and she wraps her jacket tighter around herself as she trudges home. She doesn't know what exactly propelled her to walk home in the rain but she swears she can feel her problems washing away with it. Until she slips into her apartment building and they all come crashing down away. He asks her the same question day in and day out and she asks herself one too; what if she had just said 'yes'?

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He's actually shaking- wonders if maybe this is what an addict feels like during withdrawals- alcohol, marijuana, cocaine. He knows that she's avoiding him and he's not ready to go cold turkey yet. So he sets out find her- corner her the way an animal does it's pray; he is in need of a hit. But she finds him first from across the hall and smiles at him and it's small but it's something- he stops shaking.

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She's tired, exhausted beyond belief yet still managing to keep moving. Just thinking about him- about them- drains her, taking her reserves as well. She hasn't had a good night sleep in longer then she can remember; or a good nap for that matter. It's been almost four months since and she wonders everyday if they really are still friends like she tells him or if she's just telling him that?

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Music pounds in his ears; it's been a really long time since he'd stepped foot in a night club. Sometimes after a really hard case, Aiden would drag him here- to dance because she loved to dance and to drink to help her forget; they always came after Pratt.

Tonight it's packed, bodies slick and hot pressed up against each other making him think dirty thoughts and relapse until he spots her by the bar. She is tall and lean with perfectly round breasts barley concealed by a tight purple tank top and a perfectly round ass driving him crazy in low jeans. She is all but begging to be fuck and when she flicks her eyes up to meet his he knows that he'll be the one fucking her. He walks over, leans up beside her and whispers in her ear,

"Your shirt is driving me crazy," it's forwards he knows- very, _very _forward because she hears the suggestion in his voice and he was hopping for just that. She slides closer and smiles.

"We should probably get me out of it then, don't you think?" She takes his beer, placing the tip of it at her lips before taking the length of the neck into her mouth; Danny is instantly turned on.

"That's a great idea," he tells her and she places his beer down to waved at another girl who detangles herself from a group of guys on the dance floor to come over.

"A guy like you looks like he can handle doing two things at once." Danny looks between both woman and knows just how lucky he is- guys kill for opportunities like this. Yet he knows he shouldn't since he has no feelings what-so-ever for girl number one let alone the second.

Then again he reasons- it's going to take something drastic to get Lindsay off his mind; he says yes.

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'God it's late' is all she can think about as she squeezes her eyes closed and knocks. It's three in the morning and she's standing in front of his door because she's been too tired to think straight- too tired to even sleep.

Once upon a time she uses to be good at what she did. Once upon a time she use to be all about the job- and then she moved to New York. And then she met Danny Messer. Whereas before she was living for herself, surviving on caffeine, now she seemed to be living for him, surviving on the deep clear blue of his eyes. She finds she can't remember her life before that day at the zoo and she finds that she doesn't much want to.

Everyday she tells him that they are still friend but she can't do it anymore- can't bring herself to lie. That's why she's there, standing in front of his place, waiting for him to answer. But it's late and she's been there for almost ten minutes- turning to go she stops when they door wings open and stumbles back when the person on the other side isn't Danny.

"Can I help you?" Lindsay's eyebrows knit in confusion as she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and take in the tall blonde in front of her.

"Um- I'm looking for Danny; is he here?" The woman in front of her looks slightly lost for a moment before her face breaks out into a smile- Lindsay wonders when exactly you get use to waking up in someone else's bed and don't know their name but aren't worried?

"Oh- you mean the Detective? Are you here for the _party_ too?" Nothing about the word 'party' makes Lindsay think about balloons and cake but then the tone used wasn't trying to make it sound innocent at all. The woman in front of her leans in the door way wearing, what Lindsay notes, is Danny's shirt and nothing else and for a brief moment Lindsay understand exactly why Danny choose this girl.

She is stunning and Lindsay has half a mind to sleep with her herself.

"No, I was just here to see Danny but you know what, never mind." Lindsay shoves her hands into her pocket and turns to go; the girl shrugs.

"Your loss- you don't know what you're missing; he's quite the animal and the man has stamina. I mean the only time I get a break is when he's focused on Kelly," Blondie winks at her and it makes Lindsay sick but she doesn't have time to think about being sick because she's too occupied with keeping her tears at bay. She just nods dumbly- it really is her loss, he's moved on; and like that she walks away.

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_End_

-Girlygirl


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